build a home at the top

Sisyphus was a king in Greek mythology, a KING…on top! But at the top, he was not balanced, he was deceitful. So, he was punished by the gods, forced to roll a massive boulder up a hill and watch it roll down over and over again. Some people picture Sisyphus smiling as he pushed the boulder to the top; they say that the struggle, toward the goals in our lives, is enough to make us smile, even if we don’t maintain the accomplishment for long. I disagree! I’ve worked tirelessly and endlessly toward the goals in my life, and my boulder always rolls back down to the bottom. I’ve chased dreams and failed; I’ve overcome flaws and transformed myself, only to revert back to a state of dismay. I’m happy, to an extent, as I work toward a goal…but there is also a frantic rush to get there.  I throw away all balance in my life, in order to somehow achieve a balanced life.  Sounds pretty stupid, right!?   At some point I have to make it to the top and balance the weight.  Because if success is never going to be a reality, then what’s the point? I think I the key, for me at least, is to become patient and steadfast.  I need to stop rushing toward something that I think will fix everything and make me happy forever. I know the struggle will always be there, but I don’t think I have to live in a constant state of disappointment and failure. Rolling that boulder up the hill is only half the battle. As Bruce Lee said, “long-term consistency trumps short-term intensity.” My boulder consists of self image issues and negative thoughts, which I always try to get rid of with short bursts of intense self-discipline.   I keep slamming the boulder to the top of the hill, expecting it to magically stop and hang out at the top…but the only way for it to stay up there is if I  push toward the top with a controlled and steady motion.  It’s time to be consistent, to be slow and steady. Each day I am working to get better, to stop being self-destructive. It’s time to put a brave face on, to labor toward the top, and smile while I build a home up there. That’s where I want to live, to work, and thrive. Here I am, at the bottom looking up…ready for the task at hand.

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